Monday, July 17, 2006

WARNING - Emo Entry: Wondering

I've been really getting into computers and other technology type things a lot since middle school. It's been alright untill now. I'm starting to regret ever being interested in computers. It seems like i've made so many sacrafices for this, the only example I can think of to explain this is 'life in general'. Yes, it's very vague. What would my life be like right now if I had just stayed away from computers? If only I knew the answer. I love the friends I have now, even though a majority of them are no less than hundreds of miles away. It's just the way i'm living I have a problem with. The bad grades, the bad social skills, and that strange urge to break every mirror I come in contact with. These things I know would be different in a world without 'Jamal's Computer'. They wouldn't all neccesacarily be better. For all I know, no computer could mean that I hang myself on my 15th birthday. That's just an extreme though. ;) I've tried 'fixing' this situation many times before. Limiting the time I spend on the computer to completely staying off it. I never last more than a few hours, maybe a couple of days. I'm stuck now, and there's no way to fix it. I even joined the Civil Air Patrol because I thought it could help me, it's starting to become just a burden to me now. Meetings, flying, drills, blah. I won't quit though, we already paid for the patches and nameplates.